Yeah… the tempo of the world is speeding up and I feel like I’m being left in the dust. This happens sometime in marching band. You don’t keep a fast enough tempo and you slow down in comparison with the drum major and the people around you. You also end up on the wrong foot if you’re too slow. The solution: shuffle step or skip-step. It gets you on the correct foot and enables to to pick up the faster tempo.
How the hell do I skip-step in life?
It feels like I’ve been steadily losing tempo ever since Paul’s graduation. I’m just out of sync with everything. Every once in a while it feels like I hit a unison or harmony note, but it’s only because that note happened to repeat and I’m just that far behind. I wouldn’t be so frustrated if I knew how to fix this. In marching band it’s easy. I don’t know what’s so different now, I’ve been doing what I usually do as far as school and housekeeping is involved (sometimes I’ve even done better, more assignments turned in, etc.) but the world’s speeding up.
Where’s my Drum Major with the beat?
Paul mentioned right before he graduated that it seemed like everything in his life was changing, hard drive crashes, new frontiers, leaving college. The difference between us is that Paul was “rolling with the punches” so to speak, he adapted to the change well. He was on the right foot in the right tempo. Things are changing with me, but I’m having trouble catching up. I can’t really control what’s happening and it aggravates me. My best friend leaves college, moves away and I haven’t heard from him since New Year’s, my long-time friend, Josh, dies suddenly from a freak asthema attack and curious liver failure at 18 years old, my great-grandmother (who I’ve always been most fond of) dies at 94, albeit peacefully with family, I really wanted to introduce her to some of my good friends including Paul, I really thought that would be nice, but no more, Mom and John are not getting along, will get a divorce, John is going to declare Bankruptcy (and none of it was brought on by Mom), John and Jesse fight, Jesse is growing farther and farther away from me and I worry about his choice of friends and his lifestyle, in short my family is falling apart, I don’t know what to do.
I’m out of tempo and on the wrong foot.
I also have my future to figure out. With everything as crazy as it is right now, I can’t seem to get that focused enough to think about and sort out.
Oh, yeah, I didn’t mention that Mom is currently renting out her house, so she has no where to go when she divorces John. This seems to be a cruelly ironic repeating theme in my life: divorce and resulting no house. Of course I can stay in Statesboro a while. The rent here is good. But I’ll probably have to. Mom has her own troubles. I have cats, so that limits where I can go. My friends are recently married and live in small places… and have cats (bad news to mix cats together). I really don’t want to live in Statesboro longer than I have to, it’s too small for me. I want to live somewhere big. I want to go somewhere new, but I need to find a job first, cause I have to have money to do anything.
And then the thoughts overwhelm me and I’m back to square one.
